I contacted Graham Music, a psychotherapist childpsychotherapy. He needs to be more involved than he seems to be. Music said that, often, if children are experiencing something they cannot deal with, they will seek to make others feel what they are feeling. It is likely he will have seen something. He could have seen or heard something via gaming; get more involved you and your husband in what he does online, which is best done by showing an interest rather than hectoring.
Was he always like this? Has he recently changed schools? There was scant information in your letter and little curiosity about why your son is doing this. Are they allowed or are they buried? Your son might have noticed and enjoyed getting a reaction out of you. But, again, you need to look at why he feels this compulsion. In the meantime, his behaviour must be addressed and your daughter told she can react to protect herself.
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